Parenting Cubed

GUEST BLOGGER TODAY!!!!
My sister!!
Barb!

Today we are super lucky to have my sister as our guest blogger!!
While we were in China, she often would blog about our adventures and her posts were always a big hit!

Well, adventures with her are never boring, and I love hearing about all her craziness!! This year we went to PEI with her and although it rained the whole 9 days, and our tent trailer was the "sex*tent" for earwigs, we had a blast!!!!!

Every year the week before school starts, The Atlantic National Exhibition comes to town! It brings with it,
cotton candy, rides, animals and carnies and yahoos that end up breaking my window!! It cost a fortune, the kids always want to go and the parents always want to avoid it!!
Grab some popcorn, or a candy apple and sit down to:

Barb's Great ANE adventure!!!

The day started off like any other day, sleep until 11:00, roll out of bed, shower, eat, feed kids. Then the phone call that started it all. My girlfriend Sandy calls to ask if we would like to join her and her kids and go to the ANE. Well usually I avoid the ANE like the plague, I try to stay away from that side of town until it is over, listen to out of town radio stations and never watch local TV. But that fateful morning all it took was one call from Sandy (Calder's best friend's mom) and I realized that I was stuck because my kids would surely find out that they had been invited to ANE and I would never hear the end of it. I was able to avoid it for about 3 years, not bad, so I figured it was about time I paid my dues. I drove all 7 of us. Calder was able to get on rides with his buddy Ryan and Jack went on rides with Ryan's sister Marina. They went on the slide and the fun house and even the scrambler (obviously my kind of rides, as I will soon discover). The day progressed nicely, the weather was perfect, the kids were getting along, everybody was happy. We gambled $20 on various games and won 2 stuffed animals worth $5 total. Jack is prone to motion sickness, so he was careful about choosing which rides to get on, as I said he went on the slide, funhouse, scrambler, then Calder went to get on the Gravitron, he sooooo wanted to go to, but he was afraid he would get sick, so he hummed and hawwed and hummed and hawwed, finally I said, "Oh, just get on it and try, you might be okay!". He said you come too, I laughed and said no way, that I just opened a can of coke and had no one to hold it for me...(haha). But finally after some pushing he decided to give it a "spin". Well as the door closes and the machine starts to spin, I say to Sandy, oh boy, if he pukes, I am soooo dead. Finally after an eternity, the rides stops and out come the kids, I wait, inspecting each kid for flying puke stains on their clothes, nothing yet, so far so good. Then out comes Calder, laughing, Ryan laughing and and and and finally Jack comes out with his hands held over his head in triumph, yelling yeah, "yeah, yeah, I didn't puke mom, it was awesome, lets do it again". I was so relieved, what a mess that would of made out of their day, had he puked. We continued to alternate between pukey rides and non pukey rides. We went into the Horticultural building saw some pathetic excuses for veges, Jack claimed his veges he has growing on our deck would have easily taken first place in every division (He plans to grow some next year and enter them in the ANE, we'll see.....) Jack heard some old lady say "oh those potatoes were so beautiful they made me want to cry". He almost peed himself. We saw some roosters and 4 horses, wow, gone are the days when we were kids and the stable were full of animals and plants and projects.

Anyway, after some drinks we headed back to the rides. Calder and Ryan tried almost every pukey ride in the place. Calder stomach is obviously lined with cement. Ryan finally gave up and called it quits stating that he had enough rides for the day, but Calder hadn't tried all the pukey rides yet, there was the paratrooper, the spider, and the spining bears and yes the Zipper. He started to complain that he had no one to go on these rides with, and that he wasn't close to being done. So, foolishly, I felt sorry for him, and suggested that if I go on the Zipper with him will he be happy and consider it a day? He quickly agreed. So I went and paid my $4. Jack was saying, I don't know Mom, are you sure you can handle it? I said sure Jack, Tante Cheryl and I use to go on the Zipper when we were young and it was a blast. So I waited in line, Sandy's daughter starting taking before pictures of me with her camera phone, all smiles I was. Finally we watch while the ride spins around and around, I almost chicken out, but I didn't want to disappoint Calder, (or embarrass myself by getting out of line in front of all those people) It was our turn to get into the cage, I was thinking, "I think someone died on the Zipper when I was young", but I get in anyway, and as soon as he closes the door and the cage sways back and forth I realize, shit what have I done? The ride hasn't even started and I already feel pukey. Well it starts and away we go, so far so good, I keep telling myself, just keep breathing, that's it, in , out, in, out, Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, I start screaming, Calder is laughing, then about 1/2 way through the ride I start screaming at the guy operating the ride every time I passed by him, I'M GONNA PUKE, oh my god, I'M GONNA PUKE, oh my god, I'M GONNA PUKE, then Calder says stop doing that Mom, I look down at Sandy and she is just about pissing her pants, laughing and slapping her knee. I'm not laughing anymore, then the rides slows down, I think, "Thank God", then it does something awful, it starts to go around backwards, Holy Shit, that is it I just about snap, I decided if I just breath, in, out, in, out, in, out, oh my god I'm hyperventilating, maybe just close your eyes and you won't puke, Calder keeps saying, it's okay Mom, it's okay Mom, it's almost over. hahahaha. (the little shit, he felt just fine). Finally the ride comes to a stop and thankfully the carnie lets us off first, (go figure, you think he got my message). I get off the ride and it's like I just drank 24 beer (and I don't drink) (unlike my younger sister). I start swearing like a truck driver. Ryan asks his mom is everyone says that word when they get off the zipper? Sandy thinks I am hamming it up for the Camera, but she soon realizes that it's not so. I spy an empty stool at the bingo tent, and swagger over, it was either the bingo tent or the ground. I sit down, all the kids are around me laughing and pointint at my wild hairdoo. Saying look at her hair, look at her hair, All I could get out of me was _uck off, get away, gag,,,,,gag,,,,gag,,,,gag,,,,gag,,,gag,,,,gag,,,,gag, I drink a little water, then puke, puke, puke, puke. Some Carnie from the bingo tent comes over and informs me that I can't sit there, and asks me to leave, (he thought I just got out of the Beer tent) (probably would have been better off if I had). Sandy is thanking me profusely, and laughing her ass off. I just got up and started walking away for another place to sit and puke, I walk and puke, walk and puke, walk and gag, gag,gag, find another spot to sit. Then Sandy mercifully takes the kids into one of the buildings to look at the exhibit while I sit with my eyes closed trying to compose myself and stop gagging. After about 20 minutes I think I can get up and make it to the Truck. Once at the truck I realized that I felt too drunk to drive and ask Sandy to drive for me, she starts laughing all over again and thanks me again. I can't even talk on the way home. I can't even drive Sandy and her kids home, I make Sandy take me home and then get Kevin to drive her home. I walk in the house and make a beeline for the bathroom to puke once again, Kevin runs after me asking if I was drunk, or what, Sandy explains what happens, of course he doen't believe her at all and thinks I was actually in the beer tent. (he couldn't believe someone could actually be that ill from just one ANE ride, but he doesn't know......it was the ZIPPER!!!! I actually puked again, took a bunch of children's chewable gravol and fall asleep until 11:00 pm, wake up eat some dry toast, go back to sleep, wake up in the am at around 11:00, took some more Gravol and 222's. If you can believe this today is Tuesday and I still feel nauseous. But I earned some major brownie points from the kids, because while I was dying in bed, or I mean lying in bed the kids asked Kevin to feed them supper, and he said "why, didn't your Mom feed you? She isn't a very good Mom is she? (joking of course). And both my wonderful kids piped up and in a very defensive tone, told Kevin in no uncertain terms, that I was the best Mom, because she rode The Zipper even when she knew it would make her sick. She did that just for Calder. (major brownie points, I have already used this to get Calder and Jack to do some chores haha, but was it worth it.......... I don't know I think I would rather do my own chores.